The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Randomize