You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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