She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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