i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
