Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize