I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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