2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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