he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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