This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
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