can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Randomize
