The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
