I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
