At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
