i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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