Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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