I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
