I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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