we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
