Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
