I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Come share oat with me in your robe
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
