he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
