we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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