I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
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