Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
