made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
