I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
