Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
