how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
