PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
