Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
