PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
