She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I have fence marks all over my body
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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