The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
