he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Randomize