bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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