life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
