She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
