i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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