she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I look excited, but its just a facade.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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