My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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