guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
im calling her cock vulture from now on
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
