It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
