i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
