I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
