Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize