In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Randomize
