The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I AM VODKA MAN
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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