I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
