So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
