dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
