Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
