Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
