I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Randomize
