i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
