I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Randomize
