I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
