her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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