i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
