Please, let me fuck your mom
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
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