It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
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