I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
