the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
