Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
