How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
