you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
are you so shy because you have an std?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
