make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
