Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
