3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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