i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
